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My Kid Needs Structure

by Lisa Lyons, Fairhaven School

Larry is 12 and forgets to feed the dog. Brenda is 15 and would lose her head if it weren't attached. Michelle is 7 and never ever picks up her toys. Jim is 16 and won't do his homework. What is wrong with these kids? What we're told is wrong with them is that they can't structure things for themselves. "My son/daughter could never come to a school like yours, because he/she needs structure."

We certainly see our share of students who come to our school forgetting and neglecting and not doing and not organizing. Most of these students are, to put it politely, under-motivated. Larry could perfectly well remember to feed the dog, or to get to school in time for JC, he just doesn't see why he should. Let someone else do it if they care so much. Brenda could organize her time and stop losing things if she cared, but right now she's concerned with more important things like relationships. Michelle is capable of picking up her messes, but she enjoys the battles. These kids don't need structure so much as they need a reason to be structured that makes sense to them.

At Fairhaven and other Sudbury schools, people are expected to clean up their own messes so that others can use and enjoy the same space. They're expected to come to JC on time because respect for our judicial process represents respect for others, namely the others who have to sit around waiting for them to show up. And people who lose things sometimes annoy their friends, and that can mess up relationships. These are motivations that make sense to kids.

But what about Jim, who never does his homework in public school? How would he ever learn to do it in a school that doesn't require any? One of the most frequently given explanations our students give for having neglected homework in public school is that it was repetitive and seemed pointless. Why go home and use your precious time doing more of what you felt wasn't worth doing in school? For some kids, screwing up in school has become a badge of honor. They excel at refusing to comply. These students don't need structure, they need to care. A change of heart that requires freedom, time, respect, and the realization there are things worth learning. Bright and bored, these students, like the others, need motivation more than structure.

Then there are the students who have been labeled as ADD or ADHD. Some of these kids really do seem to be at the far end of the spectrum of impulsivity and disorganization. Their clever minds are going so fast, they're always off to the next interesting thing. But getting sick of having to hunt for their lunch bag (and their wallet, and their jacket, and their cell phone) every day is a fine motivator. Given time and ownership of their problems, these students are fully capable of coming up with ingenious solutions. Sometimes, like the best executives, they learn what they're good at, and what they should delegate to the organizationally gifted.

At Fairhaven and other Sudbury schools kids are able to keep or acquire the most reliable kind of motivation motivation from within. With younger kids it pours out like water from a sprinkler on a summer's day. With older kids it's more often like water from a rusted up faucet emerging with creaks and groans and sometimes a considerable wait until the passion and enthusiasm run freely again. At Fairhaven we don't see kids in desperate need of externally imposed structure; we see bright, funny, interesting young people fully capable of creating their own structure, a structure that, because it's self-created and self-imposed, will be able to handle the challenges and facilitate the enthusiasms of a long and interesting life.